There’s nothing like the start of football season. I’ve been thinking about it for weeks. My obsession with the NFL is so crazy I have my son dreaming about football as you can see here!
I think I’m even more excited than normal because my beloved J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS are being touted as Super Bowl contenders. Of course, as a Jets fan, I’ll be waiting all season for something to go horribly wrong, because it always does with Gang Green. Still, there’s plenty of reason to believe in the Jets and these other SB XLV hopefuls.
- JETS. Revis Island is back. Mark Sanchez isn’t a rookie anymore. The team went to the AFC title game and had the Colts on the ropes. Of course, they did nearly miss the playoffs last year, have angered Tom Brady and the Patriots and generally find the most painful way for their fans to suffer.
PREDICTION – Revis pulls a hamstring chasing Randy Moss in Week 2, Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez fight on the sidelines when Sanchez is again caught eating a hot dog during the game (which apparently Ryan wanted) and the team misses the playoffs when they choke at home against the formerly winless Bills in the season finale.
- COLTS. Imagine if Peyton Manning wasn’t such a playoff choker. We’d be talking about this team going for back-to-back titles as the overwhelming favorite. Instead, we’re looking at a group that will again dominate the regular season but come up smallest when the moment is biggest.
PREDICTION – Another 14-2 regular season, followed by a loss to a wild card team playing without their injured starting quarterback, running back, receiver and middle linebacker. Manning will then blame his offensive line, his defensive line, his coaching staff and his brother Eli for the defeat.
- SAINTS. The offense is loaded, again. The defense is questionable, again. For the first time in recent memory, the Super Bowl champs aren’t the biggest offseason story. In fact, we’ve barely heard about these guys. Could humble be the way to a second title?
PREDICTION – Despite America’s wish to see Drew Brees holding his son again as confetti rains down on New Orleans, there’s just no way we see a miracle ride a second time. And with predictions like this one, we set the stage for them to do just that!
- STEELERS. Despite his offseason stupidity, Big Ben remains one of the best QBs in the league. With Troy Polamalu back, the defense will be solid. Nobody wants to pick them, because that would seem wrong. But the fact is they will be in the mix come playoff time.
PREDICTION - Karma comes back around in the postseason and Roethlisberger throws five INTs as Pittsburgh gets bounced.
- VIKINGS. The F-Word is back, which means they have a chance. Unfortunately, his receivers can’t stay healthy (or maybe they don’t want to play with him). But that won’t stop him from getting Minnesota in position for their first ever title. And of course, he won’t stop praising himself for making so much out of so little.
PREDICTION – The F-Word does in fact get back to the Super Bowl. But in a fitting end to his career, with his team up by 6 with one play left, he decides to fake the kneel down and throw a pass which is intercepted and returned for the winning touchdown. After the game, he absolves himself of all blame, saying he was doing it for Vikings fans, who needed another score to cover the spread.
- PATRIOTS. Tom Brady was annoyed with the Patriots for dragging out his contract extension, which they did. Brady was angered by all the publicity the Jets received in the offseason, which they did. Brady would’ve been furious when told his haircut is ridiculous, but apparently nobody has the guts to tell him. Hell hath no fury like Brady scorned.
PREDICTION – The Patriots roar through the regular season 16-0 and finish off the perfection this time around. Brady celebrates by forcing all his linemen to adopt his hairstyle for a commercial.
THERE IT IS!